Producing: Anxious Masculinity - and movie updates(at the bottom) :D

This subject has been on my mind for a while. I just finally decided to write something on it. Little bit of film stuff, faith based stuff at the end, and a lot of exploring myself. If you'd rather just read up on my film updates, just [ctrl/cmnd F] and type in "movie updates" Let's begin...

"Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know." - Ernest Hemingway

In so many ways, I wish I was Ernest Hemingway. At this point in my life, that is one of the truest sentences I know. Embarrassingly enough, I've yet to read a single book by Hemingway, but it is the life the man lived that is so fascinating to me. He will never be considered a man of perfect moral character, but as a man, there are SOME characteristics that can be seen as admirable to somebody like me.

Papa, a nickname Hemingway had people call him from the age of 27 onward, was a rough and rugged man who did what he wanted, which wasn't always a good thing, but that is who he was. Rough and rugged are two adjectives that will never be used to describe me, unless I haven't shaved in some time and you're talking about how my face feels. For the most part, we'd be foil(opposite) characters in the others story.

Hemingway loved to hunt. I parked my car and prayed for the health of a doe after it "gently" shoulder checked my car. This animal was fine, but I am still partially haunted by the death of one poor raccoon.

At the slightest offense, Papa would knock the snot out of any man who dare question his manhood, while I like to imagine myself fighting for my honor or another in a similar manner against those who have wronged me/them... in the privacy of my own mind. Don't worry though, I creamed them. ;)

Ernest was a bit of a womanizer and I've been struggling for almost 23 years to even get one real date. Interjection: there is a girl that I've recently become interested who I met on...*sighs* Tinder(Sorry mom and dad, but I promise I don't use it like all the other people do. *awkward silence*). Took me a month to get her number and I'm taking about as long to ask the girl out on a date.

There are clearly more things that could be listed, but apart from being men who write, we couldn't be any different. This is both a good thing and, from my perspective at least, somewhat of a bad thing. This is finally where the title comes into play.

Ladies, we're insecure. Shocking, I know, but there is this thing called "anxious masculinity"(thanks to prof. Mayeux for making me aware of this). It's all about the perpetual [junk] measuring contests that men put themselves through, in order to prove to women and other men, just how "manly" they are. This is another thing Hemingway and I have in common. Hemingway lived a life that seemed to be overcompensation from his childhood where his mother made him dress up as a girl(yes, that's terrifying AND spoilers: also the plot of Sleepaway Camp). Thank you, Sherrie Tucker, for not being creepy.

I don't feel as though I live a life of overcompensation, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I worried about how my manliness is perceived. There is a great desire in my heart to be the "handyman" type, who can fix anything, mixed with the other "good" male stereotypes.

Instead, the following things are actually what describe the kind of person I am: I like cheesy love songs(or just "bad" as my friend Tani calls them), totally pro-gun but I'm slightly nervous around them due to my clumsiness, I get teary-eyed all the time, which could be from telling my friends I love them or even dumb things like deaths in horror movies lol(Krampus got me...), I wish I lived in the movie world where seeing a beautiful girl and reciting poetry to her wasn't as super creepy as it is in real life, hugs are significantly better than handshakes, I've wanted to be married and be a dad since I was 6, and rom-coms are my jam. The list could go on forever, but this is a blog post, not my autobiography.

When I first started this post, all I could think about was encouraging my fellow dudes of the world to be their own man, but as the words came out of my mind and onto the screen, a different sort of ending was placed on my heart. The only one who has an opinion on my manhood that I care about is God's. One of my goals in life is to be the man that He wants me to be to the best of my ability. My ability to hunt, build a house from scratch, or chop down a tree is of no real importance to Him. He cares more about what I'm doing as a man to help the Kingdom. So all this worry that we have is ultimately nonsense. The only jobs we have as men are those that God has asked us to complete. That's actually a huge weight off our shoulders when you think about it. No more need worry about those silly social media posts that come from people who usually have a very narrow view on life. So go out and be your own man, but do it to the glory of God.

I definitely have more to say on this topic and I'm sure whenever I feel like posting again, I'll tackle it again :)

Now onto...

MOVIE UPDATES -
Springfield Documentary - My documentary is closer than ever! Pre-production is in effect and I'll soon be meeting with various organizations and people who will help fund and produce a short documentary on the city of Springfield. Shooting on the film will also start very soon and I'm sure I'll be posting many obnoxious posts about it for you all to see ;)

Student Films(1/4) - I'm in my last semester of school and that means the shorts I make need to be top-notch productions. Right now, I'm working with a group, for my Advanced Cinematography class, who is mostly done with the filming of a music video that will be used by my film prof. to pitch a potential stage production to Cedarville's theater department. I helped with the story of the play, but I had no part with the songs.

S.F.(2/4) - The hope is that within the next few weeks, my Audio for Film/Video class will begin production on one of three of my scripts as a final project that consists of one director(fingers crossed it's me), who will be assisted by the rest of the class in the production process. The scripts are Krampus - the same Krampus from the Adam Scott movie, but my script was written before that movie was even announced! haha, Comedic Relief - a story about mimes and clowns having a brutal fight to see who can be the entertainment for a small boy's birthday party, or Blitz: A Caretaker Story, which is the first short to be released in the world-building series that will help me tell the tales of the larger Caretakers world, this particular story introducing a steampunk themed "superhero" of sorts.

S.F.(3-4/4) - Still waiting for the first student film of the Advanced Cinematography class to be finished, but after that, there will be a short "dark/moody" film to be made. When that film is completed, I'll be moving on to a film that seems to have a lot more creative freedom and is therefore incredibly exciting.

Mumblecore Film - My collaborative project with fellow poets is well on its way and I'm still totally psyched about it. Asking Tani and Dom to come up with original poetry for a film is no easy task, but I'm sure their pieces will be as beautiful as the rest of their work. The story though...oh my gosh the story! It's going to be so good. My goal is to have the script completed by the end of this month(February 2016) and get started on the pre-production as soon as possible. The hope is to get as many local artists(actors, musicians, poets) involved as possible, with the whole scratching each others back approach.

Lots going on and it is all too exciting to handle. As usual,  I love you all and if you actually read any or all of this, you're amazing. Keep looking out for updates because by the time I get that Oscar, this stuff might all be gone ;)